Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
