Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
