She is in my trunk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
