Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
