And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
