the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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