i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I came so hard my ears popped.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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