How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is classic penis vs brain.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
