Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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