my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
