around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
