somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
