Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
