I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
