I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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