the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
