hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
