Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
