I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize