My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
