What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
