So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize