You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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