You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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