69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize