I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
sex in a hospital.. check
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
