D3 body, D1 cock
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
