The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we're making bets on your personal life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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