Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
