69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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