so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
