I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
