but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
