I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't deserve a penis
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize