Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
