She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
