i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
