i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
