I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
