don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
