just come out here and I will go home with you...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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