I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
