I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
