Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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