I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
