If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
