just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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