My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
