So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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