if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
