I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
