I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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