I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
