just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize