dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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