At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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