the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
