for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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