my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also, beer. Big fan.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
