RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
