you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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