Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
