dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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