He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
