i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
