My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
