Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
