dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
